1 Comments King for a Day

Come on, who among us hasn’t imagined being a King, Queen, dictator, despot or Vladimir Putin for just one day? Oh, the wrongs that you would right when you’re in that frame of mind. I like to play this game when I’m angered, annoyed, frustrated or just plain grumpy. Funny, when you want to go all Vladimir Putin on someone it’s rarely for good. I don’t ever recall saying to myself, “If I was King for a day I would save all polar bears”. Nah, when I wish to be supreme ruler for a day it usually has to do with retribution and ensuring that whatever just happened doesn’t happen again.

Staying with the roads and transportation idea, I like to play King for a day game when it comes to cyclists. Especially when it comes to cyclists who think they’re surrounded by an electromagnetic field, making them immune from pain when they come into contact with a moving car. I’ve never been hit by a car while riding a bike, but if I was to guess, I think it would hurt. So when I see cyclists who do not respect the rules of the road I say to myself, “Self, if I could be King for a day I would mandate that underground tunnels be built for all cyclists, but they would have to pay for all construction cost”. Once again, I would be a compassionate and an understanding king. No money to pay for it? No worries, here’s a shovel.here’s nothing more madding today than attempting to navigate around Toronto in your car. There isn’t a street which is not being worked on, making driving incredibly frustrating. Now if you’re saying, “It wouldn’t be a problem for you if you took public transit”, you would force me to play the game. If I was King for a day I would make it illegal to utter such statements. People who do so would be punished by having to give people a piggyback ride to work. I would be a kind king – duration of punishment? Only one week.

I like to play the King for a day game when I’m flying. When I see a mom dragging her three screaming kids and enough luggage that barely allows the plane to take off from the excessive weight, I immediately start to squirm on my throne. Without a doubt they will sit in my row or just behind me. Sidebar, if passengers with children get to board first because they need more time, why doesn’t the opposite hold true when it comes to time disembark? Where was I? Oh yeah, children flying. Look, I would be a benevolent king. I wouldn’t make the kids sit in cargo, or ban children less than twelve years from flying… the following conversation with a child would also be frowned upon:

At wits end passenger: Hey Satan…err – I mean…precious child – can you please stop kicking the back of my seat? No eh? Okay, where are you flying too?

Precious Child: Calgary, to see my grandma.

At wits end passenger: Change in plans, kid. Wake your comatose mom up and tell her to text grandma that she’ll have to pick you up in Winnipeg. And when you’re finished doing that, grab your parachute.

In my kingdom there would be no room for sort of conversation, as a matter of fact it would make me very cross – punishable by a firm noogie. Once again, I serve all my loyal subjects. I would mandate that all airlines must provide a handful of children free flights. Go ahead airlines, charge a premium for those flights. Heavy is the crown.

As the game relates to the mortgage industry, I immediately start playing the King for a day game when I read an article in the National Post. A rating agency, Fitch Rating, is calling for further government intervention to cool down the real estate market, because according to Fitch, the Canadian real estate market is 20% overvalued. Who can say with any certainty if they’re right or wrong? It’s an opinion, one we’ve all become accustomed to hearing. So, if I were King for day I would proclaim one day of the year as Canadian Real Estate Apocalypse Day. One day a year all economists, rating agencies and talking heads would head outside – if they see their shadow, six more weeks of bad news; if they don’t see their shadow, shhhhhhhhhh. And I would make Canadian Real Estate Apocalypse Day in July or August when no one is paying any attention. Hope you’re enjoying your summer!

Until next time,

Cheers.