Another March break is upon us and in our household that means it’s Florida time. Canadians migrate to Florida this time of year with the same enthusiasm as a fat kid attacking a bag of Smarties. Got to get it all in, now!
Family vacations in Florida can be a whirlwind, especially for families that make the pilgrimage for one week. It’s not easy fitting in Bush Gardens, Universal Studios, Cape Canaveral, Lego Land and the number one attraction in Florida, Disney World, all in one week. Ah Disney World, where dreams come to life, and spankings become a reality because the kids have been rotten &#$@’s for the entire day. I’m just kidding, everyone knows that spanking is yesterday’s discipline. Today we discipline kids in a far more progressive manner, as prescribed by governments, child psychologists, your next door neighbour and Oprah Winfrey. Today you discipline your kids by taking their Play Station away, and then throwing it at them. Okay, I added the second part. Why shouldn’t discipline be fun for the whole family? Seriously, next time you’re at Magic Kingdom eavesdrop on conversations around you. You’ll probably hear one of the following exchanges between parents and their children, “WAIT UNTIL WE GET BACK TO THE HOTEL ROOM…NO, YOU’VE HAD FOUR ICE-CREAM CONES ALREADY…HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU YOU’RE TO SMALL TO GO ON THAT RIDE…DON’T BE AN IDIOT, MICKEY’ S NOT COMING HOME WITH US”.
The Snow Birds (those over 65) do it right. They visit Florida for months at a time, and they do things at a leisurely pace. They’re wily veterans and that’s who I’ll take my cue from. So, for the next week I’m going to bitch and complain about the price of gas, medical insurance and golf green fees. I’m also going hike up my shorts so my belt buckle is just under my chin. I’m going to drive on I-75 in the left lane at 10 miles under the speed limit. I’m going to Home Depot, just to look around. I’m going to hit every early bird dinner special, which starts at 4:30pm because I have to be in bed by 9pm. I’ll need my rest because I’m going to get up at least 5 times throughout the night to pee.
Until next time.